


FAMILY SECRETS

by Mikkeneko



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Beau's been thinking, Confessions, Gen, Secrets, Spoilers for Episode 87, almost certainly not canon, episode 87 reaction fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21711628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikkeneko/pseuds/Mikkeneko
Summary: Or, as I call this one, "Beau calls Trent's bluff so Caleb doesn't have to." The Mighty Nein get let in on some old news.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 34
Kudos: 384





	FAMILY SECRETS

**Author's Note:**

> I don't normally write episode reaction fics since they're so immediately jossed by ongoing canon, but this one came into my head almost whole so I decided to write it anyway. Oh, man, that episode was a killer.

Thing is, ever since Beau got this circlet (a really  _ cool _ circlet honestly, def worth it even for the hit to the aesthetic) it's changed the way she thinks about the world, kinda. 

It's not like she was  _ dumb _ even before she had it, although most of the time she hadn't bothered to overthink things when punching through them would do the same job faster. But ever since she got it, it's like -- like the horizons have been pulled back a little. When she wears the circlet there's always these little loops of thought playing in her head, judging how this situation or that might play out, running down every branch of possibility to its end. 

(She wonders if Caleb thinks this way too, if that might explain the bizarre way he just  _ jumps  _ into action sometimes -- like there's been a whole conversation on the matter and it was decided that this was the best thing to do without a word ever having been said. If that's true -- then if --)

She's been thinking and thinking, ever since Trent made his presence known to the Mighty Nein and to Caleb, and she doesn't like the way most of these branches pan out.

So, she doesn't think that Trent knew all the way back. She'd talked to him in Zadash and yeah, he was a slimy fucker even then but if he'd realized Caleb was there he probably would have moved against him right then, before the Mighty Nein got big enough to be dangerous. Before they got allies and patrons that would keep Trent from just squashing them like a bunch of bugs. But there's been plenty of time  _ since _ then for word of the Mighty Nein to get around, with names and descriptions and profiles attached, and Caleb made a  _ big _ splash of himself in the Bright Queen's court. Hundreds of witnesses. (And that whole business with the Scourger too; Beau hadn't understood most of their conversations but Beau had picked out the word  _ Bren _ and knew then that Caleb had been made.)

After that their safety depended on staying out of Trent's reach. But now they're not, and they're gonna have to confront him sooner or later. And Beau doesn't like the way most of those confrontations play out in her head.

Trent's got too much power over Caleb is the problem. Not in the sense that Caleb jumps when Trent says frog, not any more. (Unless there's some kind of weird fucking vollstrecker magic  _ code word _ in Caleb's head, but there's nothing they can do about  _ that, _ if so.) But Trent knows too many of Caleb's secrets, the ones that wrap around his throat like barbed wire on the bad days, and Trent won't hesitate to take hold of one end and  _ pull. _

What's the saying, that two can keep a secret if one of them is dead? Well, Beau is damn sure she doesn't want the dead one to be Caleb.

In all her circling thoughts, her worries and calculations, her mind keeps circling back to the moment back in the fane -- after the fight was over, Obann was dead (twice over) and the Caedogeist had fucked off back into the nether, and they were all still catching their breath and Caleb hadn't bothered to change back yet from his latest transformation. Thinking about those moments when Caleb's guard was down, when he forgot that he wasn't supposed to show that he cared. When he picked her up and hugged her and patted her and made such worried sounds -- worried  _ for her, _ even though he was way more squishy and easy to hurt. 

He cares so damn much about her, about  _ all _ of them. He  _ loves _ them, yeah she's gonna say it (if only in her own head) and he still thinks they don't love him back. Some days, that really makes Beau mad.

They've got a little breathing space at least before they have to rush off to the next big thing. They've got a little time here where they can relax, and plan, and prepare. Beau's been spending it thinking, and she doesn't like where her thoughts go.

So after everybody's had a chance to clean up a little, to wash and eat but before they all fuck off to go to sleep, Beau calls the rest of them into the room -- if this were the Xhorhaus she'd have gone to the War Room but fuck it, anyplace is a war room if they're in it. Caleb and Nott have disappeared together somewhere, and for once that's fine with her. Nott already knows everything Beau is about to say, and Caleb... it's better if Caleb's not here for the next step.

"What did you want to talk to us about, Beau?" Jester says and if her voice lacks some of its usual bright cheer, well, they're all pretty tired.

Before she answers that question she turns to Fjord. "Hey, do you think you can do that thing where you see invisible things?" she says. "Just to make sure there's not, like, you know."

Fjord nods and holds out his hand, the Star Razor appearing in his grasp a heartbeat later. The sword glows, and his eyes glow in time with it -- it's got a pulse, a sort of rhythm she's never noticed before. That's either cool, or creepy. After a moment he shrugs and the glow subsides. "Nothing right now," he says. "Not that I can see, anyway."

"Good enough," Beau says. Except, well, now she's run out of excuses to put this off. She paces for a few moments instead, gathering her thoughts, gathering her words. Trying not to feel guilty about it, like an asshole who betrays her friends' trust. Which she is, kinda, but  _ damn _ it this needs to be done.

"What I'm going to tell you now is something that I got no business telling you, to be honest," she starts off bluntly, because that's the way she's got to be. "It wasn't my place to know and it's not my story to tell. But I think I've gotta. Because I think that if we're all gonna stay safe, and keep Caleb safe, from that fucker on the Cerberus Assembly, then you're gonna need to know a little more of the background of what went down between him and Caleb."

The others exchange glances. Surprise, wariness, curiosity... yeah, to some extent this isn't news to them. They already knew that there were secrets, just not that they were coming out now. "Why is it so important we know, if you don't mind me asking?" Fjord says.

"Because... because there are things that Caleb doesn't want you to know. Things that he's terrified of you knowing." She tries not to let her eyes dart too obviously towards Jester as she says it.

"So you're going to tell us?" Caduceus says, his tone one of mild surprise. He keeps a damn good poker face, one eyebrow raised just slightly, but Beau thinks she knows him well enough to hear the judginess in the question.

"Yeah, I am," she says. "Because  _ I _ think we're way past the point where secrets are gonna keep anyone, him  _ or _ us, safe. There are things that Trent knows that he can use against Caleb, to try to get him to turn against us, or to get us to turn against him. Point is I have a feeling he's gonna try to  _ divide _ us, to try to get Caleb alone."

"Cut him out of the herd," Yasha murmurs. Honestly Beau feels the worst about her right now; after everything she's been through she needs sleep, rest and healing, not to be weighed down with yet more of this shit. What the hell, maybe it'll do her some good not to think of herself as the only fuckup on the team; maybe it'll help distract her from her own misery. Beau can hope, anyway.

"Yeah. And I don't want that to happen," Beau says. "I don't want us to be in some fight, further down the road, where Trent pulls out these deep dark secrets and -- and I dunno if he'd try to blackmail Caleb, to get him to surrender or else he'll spill the beans, or if he'd just spill them anyway to try to shock us, to try to get us to turn against Caleb." She's imagined both, in all her thinking. She's pictured the words tumbling out, searing in the open, and she's imagined them shaking them off, rallying through it. She's also pictured that they don't rally, that they don't get past it, or that they hesitate for just a moment too long.

"We would never turn against Caleb! He's our friend!" Jester denies heatedly, and Beau's heart aches in her chest. Damn it, Jester is so  _ good, _ and that's why Caleb is so afraid of her finding out his secret. And that's exactly why Beau is, too.

"I know, and that's the only reason I'm telling you now. Because I think that Trent is wrong, and Caleb is wrong, about how much we care about him. I think our, uh, our bond is strong enough to survive knowing." She shrugs, mouth quirking up in a wry self-deprecating smile. "Hell, mine did and I didn't care about him half so much in those days."

"All right then. I don't know if I agree, but I follow your logic," Fjord says slowly. "So what's this terrible dark secret that Trent is going to use against us, then?"

Beau paces some more. Shit, now she's overthinking things the other way. When Caleb finds out what she's done -- and he  _ will _ find out, sooner or later -- will he forgive her? Will this turn out to be the catalyst that drives him away from them after all? 

At the last moment she chickens out. "Y'know even after all that lead up, I don't know if I should tell you... everything, or if that just makes me as bad as Trent." She takes a deep breath. "Here's what you  _ need _ to know. You all know that Caleb and Trent have a history, that he trained as a Scourger, that there's a lot of bad shit in his past."

Jester's nose wrinkles up in an expression of doubt. "Well yeah, but we  _ knew _ that. I mean, just  _ look  _ at him."

"He carries a heavy burden of guilt from his past," Caduceus says. He tilts his head to one side. "I take it that's from this period of time?"

"Yeah. Yeah it is." Beau licks her lips, swallows to try to relieve the dryness in her mouth. "I really gotta drive it home that Trent really fucked with Caleb, not just in the way that parents can fuck with their kids. More. There was magic involved too -- he put spells into Caleb's head, messed with his memories, changed the way he saw reality. Caleb thinks that he was still in control of his own actions. I don't know that I agree. But that's how  _ he  _ sees it."

"That's so sad," Jester whispers, and yeah it  _ is, _ but Beau doesn't think Jester understands what she's getting at.

"What I'm trying to say is, the hurting didn't all go one way. Caleb... he did a lot of damage when Trent had him." How much detail will she need to go into, to get her point across? "He hurt people. Killed people. And Trent had him do something really big. Something so bad that even with all of Trent's magic in his head he couldn't stand the weight of it, and it crushed him. And he thinks that if you all ever knew, you'd hate him. That you'd reject him, and he'd lose everything."

Of all the people assembled Beau didn't expect  _ Yasha _ to be the one to suddenly make the connection. Caduceus maybe, Fjord maybe? But it's Yasha whose expression lights up with understanding and horror, breath hissing between her teeth. Tears shimmer in her multicolored eyes and yeah, she's got it, even if Beau has no idea how.

"So. I feel like I've kinda talked myself into a corner here, you know?" she says awkwardly, rubbing her tingling palms together. "But I really wanted for us to get this shit out of the way beforehand. Because I think that Trent is gonna try to use this to divide us, to take control of Caleb again, and we've got to be ready. We've got to, like,  _ process _ all that shit now so that it doesn't trip us up when the time comes. So if you think that you won't be able to stand by Caleb knowing that he's done some really bad shit, let's get it over with."

Silence follows her pronouncement, as each of the rest of the Nein digests her words. 

"But it wasn't  _ really _ him, right?" Jester says in a small voice. "Trent was hurting and controlling him and he couldn't help it! I know Caleb is a good person and whatever Trent says, he's a stinky liar who lies!"

"Well yeah, no question, he's shitty," Beau agrees. "I just don't think that -- that denying it happened is the way to go here."

Caduceus is the next to speak up, his words slow and measured. "I don't doubt that whatever happened was bad, but actions are actions and people are people.  _ People  _ aren't good  _ or  _ bad," he says. Yeah, trust Caduceus to come out with some oblique philosophical bullshit. "Whatever happened in the past, it won't change who he is now, and who he is to me is a good friend I care about."

"None of us are really coming here with clean hands, but mine are more bloodied than most," Yasha says quietly. She lifts her chin to meet Beau's gaze steadily. "I will proudly stand with Caleb through whatever comes next."

"Okay. Good." Beau lets out an anxious breath. At least, whatever happens, she won't just have torpedoed Caleb's status in the Mighty Nein by her misjudgment. "That's the shit I like to hear."

Fjord clears his throat. "I know you don't want to say -- specifically whatever it was, and I understand and agree with that, but can you answer yes or no?" he asks. "Because otherwise I worry that we might blow whatever it is out of proportion in our imaginations beforehand."

"Sure yeah, that makes sense," Beau agrees. Because yeah, she  _ did _ kind of talk it up a lot, didn't she? Whoops.

When Jester speaks again, her voice is even tinier. "Did... did he hurt kids?" she says, her voice wobbly and even smaller than before.

"No! Fuck, no," Beau says automatically, before she can think.  _ I mean, for all I know, _ she admits in the privacy of her own head. Trent really had his pawns do some fucked-up shit. But that's not  _ the _ secret Caleb is so worried about, so... still true. From the current of relief that goes around the room, Jester was clearly not the only one worried about it.

"Okay." Jester's voice firmed, and her chin rose as her shoulder stiffened. "Then whatever it is, it'll be okay."

Fjord fires off a few more hypotheticals which Beau can, with no small relief, say no to. Yasha, she notices, doesn't ask any questions at all.

"I have just one more question," Caduceus says when the little Q&A has run its course. "About Trent, if you don't mind."

"Yeah, sure, what is it?" Beau says, holding on to her frazzled nerves with some difficulty. This has gone about as well as it could go, but fuck, she hates having to talk like this.

"When do we get to kill this guy?" Caduceus says, and in his usually calm and tranquil voice there's a dark undercurrent of  _ promise, _ the sound of a jungle cat stalking through the underbrush, of fangs and claws and freely flowing lifeblood.

Beau can't help a snort of laughter, mostly relief, no small amount of agreement. "Soon, I hope," she says. "Real soon."

* * *

~end.

**Author's Note:**

> I also wanted to add an exchange where Beau corners Caleb and extracts a promise from him that if Trent contacts him apart from the group and tries to threaten or blackmail him, that Caleb talk to Beau before he does anything rash, but it didn't really work out with the scene I had.


End file.
